simplesparrow

big changes, little changes

It's a season of change around here for us, as you well know from my previous posts. We said goodbye to Micah last night. We watched his car leave the driveway and then listened for it as it made the two turns onto the main road, caught sight of it again and watched until his tail lights were out of view. He gave a few beeps on his horn that seemed to linger just a bit in the night air. And then we just stood there for the longest time, in the dark, in the silent. Somehow I felt if I just stayed on the walkway, then Micah hadn't really left yet. These powerful emotions are hard to face. What's even harder is watching my other children face the emotions of watching a very beloved brother move away.

Well, here I am again, pouring my heart out. I didn't really want to go there right now, but I've always said that I write this blog from my heart, whether it's tiny chit-chat, the satisfaction of being creative or the more serious things of life. Today, this is my heart. Again.

With one less person living here we've done some rearranging in the house. Nathan and Noah are trading rooms with Hannah. The boys had the larger room, and it fit the 3 of them great. It even had 4 of them in there at one point before Seth got married and still it was comfortable. Our plan was to give Hannah and I a sewing/craft area at the far end. We are still in the middle of organizing and shifting but I think I'll post about it when it's all done.

So, little changes. In the midst of shuffling the kids rooms around, I was reunited with this adorable paint by number that Hannah did 5 years ago. It inspired the new arrangement in the photo above. That's the top of our TV cabinet and until now, the main eye-catcher up there was a poor houseplant constantly on the verge of death until I gave it a life saving (barely) drink of water to prolong it's misery. Now it's a pretty, happy spot and the sad plant can rest in peace.

Is anyone else going through lots of change right now? Big or small, let's here it. It's time for me to let someone else do the talking ;)

coming up for air

It's been party central over here--so much to celebrate! Over the weekend we had a graduation party for Nathan. Graduations are special to us because more then celebrating academic achievement, we are acknowledging are children's whole life up to this point and the beautiful young adults they have become. Most of you know that we home school and I absolutely love how we can plan our graduation celebrations to be very personal for us and our kids. I printed two large photos that I took of Nathan and mounted them on foam board for people to sign (I'm loving where Noah signed his name on Nate's shoulder, complete with happy face!) Of course we had lots of food and cake and, after we gathered around him and shared special words and blessings, we rocked the house with a dance party--complete with 2 disco balls! Fun times, very fun times.

We also came together to say goodbye to Micah, my second born who will be moving back to Washington at the end of the week. All of us were shedding big tears (you might of thought we were at a funeral!) because we will miss him SO VERY MUCH. Micah has met the girl he will marry and so is moving to live closer to her before their wedding next summer. As much as it hurts to see him go--we truly are very, very happy that he is about to embark on his own life's journey. And as one friend said--we're not losing a son, we are gaining a daughter. I will hang on to that.

And last but absolutely not least, we celebrated Hannah's 15th birthday last night (and last week--the girl got 2 parties! one with family and one with friends) Every time her birthday rolls around I remember the day she was born at home. After the midwife had left and Mark and the kids went back to bed--there I was alone with my tiny bundle held close, watching the sunrise from my window. It was one of the most peaceful and beautiful moments of my life.

I'm pretty sure there are not any parties coming up for this month, and good thing! I need a break from all this emotion and cake. But come July, my wedding anniversary and 2 more birthdays! Like I said, party central.

xo,
T.

on letting go (again)

Nathan drove off by himself 2 days ago, for the first time. So far all of our boys have gotten their licenses at age 18. They didn't need them before that and this time frame just worked well for our family. Still, being older hasn't made the tug on my heart any less. That tug that reminds me my little birds aren't so little any more and that soon another one will be leaving the nest. As mommies we experience those heart-tugs all throughout our children's lives.

If I'm remembering right, they start even days after they're born. You are constantly aware of growth and change and independence.Those tugs pull harder and harder the closer they get to adulthood. This is the part of parenting that I want to put my fingers in my ears and close my eyes and sing a little tune something to the affect of, "I'm not listening, la la la, I'm not watching..la la la..."

Micah documenting his maiden voyage with Noah following.

Because as right as it is that they grow up and lead their own lives, as much as we want--more then anything--to see them live their dreams, it still hurts to let go. There is just no way around that. And as if Nathan getting his license wasn't enough for my mommy heart to ponder, we'll also be celebrating his high school graduation this Saturday. And then at the end of next week Micah will be moving back to Washington to live closer to the girl he will marry next summer. This time he's leaving for real. Just how much can a mother take in one week? I've broken down crying not just once.


There he goes. We stood there watching until he was out of sight.

After he drove off I walked with the kids to where Mark was standing. We shared a glance and I showed him the pictures I took. We laughed. We pondered a minute. Then we all went inside and got about our business. Secretly I know we were all waiting for him to come home.

holding on

Mama, could you read me this book? As he stood there looking blurry-eyed and still not quite awake, he sips the last of my tea. This was not an unusual request, nor is finishing off my ritual cup of morning tea. But as we went out to the patio to read in the sun, I saw our reflection in the slider and I sat there a moment just taking *us* in.

He still fits on my lap--kind of--and he still always, always wraps his arm in mine when I read to him.

He got a little impatient, "read mom, mom?" Look Noah, look at us in the window--I say. Let me take a picture, just really quick, ok? He sighs, but cooperates. He even gave a little smile because I think he understood--in the tiny way that a 7 yr. old can.

One day, I'll have to let go. But right now it's my time to hold on. I'm not going to miss it.

yet another

My poor blog. It has moments of sitting longer then I'd like. Some days I just can't seem to fit in time for a post--I marvel at those who can do it everyday! Anyway, I'm here now so I'll be happy with that.

A couple of weeks ago my son Nathan asked if he could get some photos of him and his guitar. Of course, a mother loves nothing more then photographing her own. We started late, so the light was not going to last long. The first shots down by the bay were not very exciting so we decided to wander around and spy out a new place with great light--hoping we wouldn't miss the sun. Then, we found it. A place that we have driven by 5000 times at least and never thought twice about. The golden glow from the setting sun was *amazing* After setting up the camera, all that was needed was to click away.

It's so fun to work with your own children. There is no awkwardness and you feel completely at ease. Both of us can just be ourselves and it shows in the pictures. When we headed out that late afternoon I had no idea that these would become his senior portraits. They are perfect. His last year of high school is coming to a close in June and I find myself pondering that yet another child of mine is crossing that bridge. I've walked over it twice before and of course it is bitter-sweet. With two adult children and now Nathan fast on their heels, I am once again preparing to let go. Oh, I think Nate will be around a while longer yet...but I know all to well that change from here on out can happen at lightning speed. I'm putting on my seat-belt and getting ready for another emotional roller-coaster ride. It just goes with the job, there's no way around it. I'm forced to stand in that line and wait my turn to get on. But like a real roller-coaster ride--it's mostly all fun. I'm thankful for that.

:)

do you see that adorable pudge of a baby sitting on his brother's knee?

Today that sweet little baby turns 18.

Today he's not that baby anymore, he's a beautiful young man with a good heart and level head on his shoulders.

Today we are so proud of him, as we have been always.

Today Mark and I will marvel--once again--at how fast time goes by.

Today Mark and I will feel a tiny bit sad that most of our babies are grown or almost grown, but to watch our children become amazing, kind and solid adults gives us more joy then we can express.

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Happy Birthday love! You are as sweet and special to me today as you were the second you were born.

Love, mama.

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Will you join me in wishing this special boy of mine, Nathan, a very happy birthday? Being a middle child he will *love* the attention (wink, wink)

news flash

We interrupt this blog to bring you the following important announcement:

After 5 plus months of missing his two front teeth, Noah's family is quite relieved that he will not remain toothless for life. There are, indeed, some new teeth up there that have finally decided to make an appearance. Noah is reported as being quite casual about this whole ordeal, showing no concern whatsoever. His mother, on the other hand, has been seen often doing checks for 'something white' with a puzzled grimace on her face for the better part of the last 3 months. Noah was quoted just this morning as being happy that soon it will be much easier to eat an apple.

We now return to our regular scheduled programming.

my ducks in a row

It hasn't been often in the last couple of years that I get to take pictures of all five of my kids--together. It will hopefully be happening more now because Seth and his wife Vanessa have moved back to California from Oregon, where they have been living for the last year and a half or so. We are so *happy* to have them close again. So happy. We are actually building them a studio behind our house! I can hear the hammers now even as I type. From left to right, oldest to youngest: Seth, Micah, Nathan, Hannah and Noah. Vanessa should have been in there too, but I think she was still sleeping. These are some of my favorite kind of pictures, family snapshots organized on the spur of the moment. Who cares if half of them are still eating cereal.

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You want to hear something funny? Today I put on green pants and a green and white striped shirt. I didn't even know it was St. Patricks Day! What a goof. I kept thinking it was closer to the end of the month.

older and sleeping

Every mother watches her children sleep. The sweet faces at rest, the soft breathing, the normally wiggly, active bodies stilled with slumber--you can't help but pause a moment and contemplate that precious little being. I took many pictures of my children sleeping while they were babies, but not a whole lot (if any?) of them when they older. I'm glad I have this photo of Noah sleeping, older and with his "hood" on. That's what he calls the sheet that he brings over his head each and every night when I tuck him in. I love this picture and I'm so happy I took the time to take it .

in about 2 seconds flat

Noah is on a sewing jag once again--this time though he is completely independent, refusing any help I thought he might need. My only contribution was to give him a refresher on how to use my machine: "line your edge up with the presser foot, do a back stitch or two, keep the needle down when you turn the corner..." AND, unbeknownst to him I turned down the speed (speed control on sewing machines is a gift I tell ya) because Noah is a bit of a lead foot.

His inspiration came from some monsters I made quite a while ago.  Of course his have that child-art quality no adult can reproduce, not genuinely anyway. I was happy to see him move on to these little creatures because prior to this he stitched up about 367 pockets (well, maybe about 30 but it seemed like a lot more) One of which my dad is keeping his laptop in, it was a perfect fit. He sold all three of these on Thanksgiving to family and friends (believe me when I tell you he is a staunch business man) and I was a little very sad to see them go. They weaseled their way into my heart in about 2 seconds flat. I wonder if he takes custom orders?